B-Log to Mario

Every once in a while I get so caught up in some distinct and particular moment. A moment that leads me back to those times back in the past that was beyond memorable. Those times that I wish I could have the power to stop and never moving on from it. Yes. Those times were the times that I genuinely feel the most exciting I have ever felt. The last weekend was a slight reminder of those times. Those times were every single moment that I once spent when I was at ‘home’.

I do not fear to acknowledge that every once in a while there’s a slight immature side lies beneath that shout and wants to burst out, to travel back in tunnel of time to those times where the world was stopping. Where friendships never shy away from blossoming, where words were not afraid of being spoken, and where bonds were never scared to be developed. I sincerely miss those times. Rarely that I find these days. Consequently, whenever I was caught up in the similar moments, like what I had last weekend, the moment was sinking so deep within that they are so hard to let go. It is possibly why I get so intense of it, I feel like by pouring it into a writing, it would provide a little help to just be sincere of what I feel, despite the fact that, time has been the force of nature that destroys it all. Let’s see if my little trick of preservation through a compose of writing works this time. 

I did not think that I had a well-thought out plan to get to know ‘home’ anymore. Before the beginning of last year, I had a sorted out plan on the back of my head to just focus on work and probably the chance to pursue more level of education, and that ‘home’ was just a phase that I finally had to let go due to the moving-on part of it, which has been and normally is the case, at least for just about everyone else who was once felt the warmth it provides. However, I got caught up in some moment last year by engaging myself in a conversation with a particular person who until today I still think as a very good ‘host’ of ‘home’. Talking to this person provides a new set of horizon that I once felt and almost left behind, and it opened up new perspective on getting to know the ‘home’ that I once really felt close with. I refuse to name this person in this posting, let’s just say that, that person particularly had me rethinking of the plan that I had sorted out beforehand. After that I get to know and built several great bonds with other people who call “home” a home, and up till now, it is suffice it to say that, I never really left home after all.

Last weekend was a slight reminder of ‘home’. Yup. It provides a free pass to the tunnel of time back to those days where conducting road trip was a regular pastime. I genuinely miss those times. I yearn to be in those moments once again. I have myself convinced that many of those people I was acquainted with at ‘home’ might also want to back in those times, but never get the chance anymore due to the current priorities that forbids them to. 

One thing that I have never really understood, was the level of interaction between all of these people. I was particularly worrisome last weekend due to the fact that several of the people that I was with, at least had never get into a moment of getting-to-know the two most loveable people that I have been a fan of for years. However, when we all meet up, it was, anything but awkward. I get a little confuse on that. Is this what they call, the ‘warmth the home provides’? Where any gap just suddenly breaks down when pure, genuine interaction and conversation is conducted? Several of these people barely knew one and other. “Home”, I question your method, I question your ways of doing things, “Home”, I question how you establish a certain bond of interaction between people who comes from different background and melt it all up into one sheer of essence of family? “Home”, provide me with a definitive answer on that. I know you’re never going to talk back. I might fool myself. But hey, that is you, “home”. 

A slight reminder of home, I get so caught up in those moments last weekend, I never want it to go away. Preserving all of those thoughts into a writing, might be a method to help me mend it. But I know, words are just so limited. Vocabularies might be seen so few. I just wish time builds and establishes the same amount of interaction with “home”.  

*Could not help but sighing

@rioabdulf

Yesterday I received a question asked directly to me. This particular type of question I haven’t been asked for, ever, so it is a tricky one for me. But I did respond it anyway. It did not matter if I was being sincere in delivering my part of answer, nor did it matter if I was being blunt about it. I never had this kind of question asked me to me before, so let’s see how it went down.

I went to a village and sub-district in Barru area during the early pat of the long weekend for a little bit of a freelance job, and I had a good time there. It was courtesy of a foreign NGO in Makassar who conducted their project for a community participation in mangrove restoration and also to commemorate the International Woman Day by promoting the role of women in village community. The whole entire trip was tiring but I had an excellent time, meeting with people, none of them I had known before, even the folks who temporarily hired me. 

When I got to Barru, I was so thrilled and ecstatic for surveying the neighborhood life of this village named “Lawallu”. It was similar to a model village, where the whole community take their collaborative time by decorating each house, developing organic plantation and vegetables, and using various of mediums to plant the medical herbs and plantation and by doing so, beautifying their houses. It was very eloquently conducted. In addition to their amazingly friendly manner to strangers and just beyond terrific taste of local food, this village is similar to a heaven. Even the lady that I intended to interpreted for, stated, “How do I purchase a house in this village? It’s perfect.” Damn.

So back to a downtime we had after the evening prayer, the person who temporarily hired me and I got engage into a conversation about things in general and came into specific when we talked about the field of International Development, having her as international social worker, she said that she had never thought of looking realistically upon the data, email and reports that she had read all this time, and to visit it in flesh, it is inspiring for her. I came into my own belief that if I were in her shoes, I’d be ultra ecstatic as well. At least we know that the reports ain’t saying nothing’s not real, it is all very real.

Then there was a question about the whole thing about the imminent hike of fuel prizes as it will be substantially stipulated by the government. She bluntly asked me the million dollar question, “Do you condone, condemn or commend the action of the people on the streets the other day?”

I knew instantly on the back of my mind that she’s talking about the ugliness that came into place several days ago in a popular street in Makassar, where students established a demonstration to utter a voice of resistance to the policy that will soon be determined by the government. 

When I said the word “ugliness”, it is not directed to the ugliness of the whole idea of conducting demonstration. For me, who else, in the whole scheme of things, have the capability, guts and audacity to go to street and just scream on the top of their lungs in regards to the misfortunes that our public is going to face more on because of this rise of fuel price? Who else? Who else but students?

However. I did not want to speak on behalf of those students who at the end committed to such disgrace by destroying a truck full of sodas, or to hijack the local gas station and plundered their gas?. I do not ever want to defend them on those specific cowardly act and saying that they got carried away or something, which is a complete nonsense. 

I, myself thought that the idea was good, had it was executed properly. The problem is, when conducting such demonstration, students tend to go way off base and do something that is the opposite of what they are supposed to do, which is to utter the whole meaning of resistance to the government. Being misbehaving, and completely belligerent will never make any thing better. If anything, it took away the whole scheme or plan of what they were intended to do and will make matters worse. It will be de-highlighting the main thing that should be highlighted: the inability of the government to end suffering to their people. 

So when I was asked by the lady, I said I condone the situation, BUT only the goal. But I am in no-way agreeing the whole mess that it came into. I know that the answer sounds like I displayed the whole idea of double standard, but at least it sparked a more and longer discussion instead of just choosing one out of three without further explanation. 

But the whole day ended up amazing and I will want to join another round of trip if I were given another opportunity to attend again.

Have not been realizing it since recently, that sitting on toilet do not merely intended to let out the extraction that our body is not anymore in need of, but also (being dead honest here) helps to collecting the thoughts, because the sheer serenity is the only thing you could find, in addition to the massive will power you will have to allocate to get things done.

I haven’t wrote a whole bunch of lot in my tumblr page since, like, forever. Probably twitter is one of the main reasons that prevented me to write more, due to its simplicity and it could be updated whenever and wherever. Not until after taking a long time in the toilet at midnight that I came to realize that, uh, I need to start writing again, not with the purpose to address the current events, but just to update upon myself and to just sort out the bad sector within my brain.

Unfortunately, after getting things done, all the million-miles-an-hour thoughts that started to appear in the stream of thoughts get all plummeted in an instant after exiting the small booth. Why so? It led me to believe that sitting on that toilet seating in the middle of the night is like entering a virtual time line that refreshing all the types of thoughts whether sadness, happiness, frustrations, anger, despair all into one, but it all came to an end once we exited the particular activity.

Probably it is just one of those excuse for me not to reveal what i have had in mind, when the title of the post is toilet contemplation. Let’s be real, why making such title when what I had been contemplated I could not even have the gumption to articulate it clearly. Well that’s just what it is all about. What I want to say is, having a solitary moment while sitting on a toilet seat in the middle of the night or in the early morning where all serenity is all things you can find, maybe all the unspoken truths, and everything that you dont have the balls to process it in your brain, you are able to do so. Despite no guarantee that you’re able to re-process it when you’re out of the toilet. In other saying, it can be defined as a daydream. The difference is, you don’t necessarily have to keep your eyes closed.

It was not the first time that I attended a wedding of my former classmate of Dictator’HI 03, as I have went to most of them prior to this one, but this particular wedding was a special one because both bride and groom are two of my closest friends for the past eight years, and both are my classmates. So let me put on a little report of what had taken place at the wedding.

Rizaldy (Aldy) and Nurshan (Cucan) are indeed my bestfriends as I have been accustomed to being close to both in any circumstances for so long now. Being in that wedding, once again forces me to travel back in time to the college days being with these two; starting from the days where I have not yet able to drive car; Aldy and Cucan pick me up in the early hours for morning lectures because they both are so damn-on time (up till now) while most of the time I had to make them wait because I have not yet prepared, and all of the memories we and the rest of Dictators shared when we were college students. All is memorable and will never be ever forgotten.

The past few years we haven’t not held back in our friendship, and not backing down at all, regularly we go to swimming pool for weekly exercises as well as conducting ‘Arisan Dictator’ that three of us initiated. Last year three of us and Dede conducted our small vacation to the nearby island of Samalona where we had heaps of fun and of course, for the purpose of capturing great beach shots, LOL.

Yes. Seeing them in that podium where many people took their turns hand shaking them and congratulating their future life ahead within the holy bond of marriage, I could not help but reversing my memories back in time. I could not be more proud of these two. Oh, and it was a very pleasant surprise for the fact that people in our students association, himahi was able to present in the wedding. Despite the failure in going to studio booth for another round of big himahi family photo shoot, at least there was a plan B available, i.e. taking shots there in the building.

Once again, thanks so much for the friendship over the years, you two, amazingly proud of you two, and wait for our late surprise from your fellow Dictators.